Roach Rampage Ruins Rest!

If anybody asked, I could only give 9 reasons why Australia was not a brilliant place to live.



It was 2am when the first one came along. Cockroach #1 chased and hunted down with Baygon Fast Knockdown Insect Spray. The better half of Phileas was asleep but this wasn't to last as Cockroach #2 announced its presence in the small confines of the spare bedroom. As it filled its lungs with a stormful of pesticide, it must've regretted that small eye catching movement it had made just before the beast of a human was about to leave it to itself.

The job was done; but the white wall revealed it was incomplete. Cockroach #3 was similarly maltreated. As Cockroach #4 was discovered, the better half of Phileas was now in aid of the braver half of Phileas, who was in sole combat with an infestation. They may withstand a nuclear holocaust, but Cockroaches were not going to outlive an execution. Teamwork ensured a steady stream of containers which, when snapped in place over the invaders, formed the perfect gas chamber. Not really wishing to compare himself to Nazi Dr Mengele, Phileas did take some strange, twisted, unhealthy, unnatural pleasure in administering a fatal dose of Zyclon B-type vapour and observing the reaction in these most ancient of creatures.

After collecting #s 8 and 9, Phileas did briefly lose the Rudolf Hoess persona and adopt a more inquisitive David Attenborough. Why? Catching a pair in a more... private and intimate moment, it was hard to resist taking a closer look at the animal kingdom! But in the end, the murderous instincts which Phileas normally does so well to suppress (don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry) came out and the pair, together with their soon-to-incubate offspring were goners.

Morning came. After inspeckting a couple of twitchers, another two which had received an unexpected extension due to an empty aerosol were dead. Killing cockroaches with a thong may raise images of horror in the UK, but I assure you it is standard practice in Australia!